On Being Single (Again) At 40 – Episode #171

What’s it like being “single again” at 40? Like NFL superstar quarterback Tom Brady, I too found myself recently divorced and single again at 40. In this podcast, I talk about the unique challenges and blessings associated with being single again.

Be sure to listen to this podcast in full as I talk about each of the issues with being single again at 40. It’s a long podcast, but I think it’ll be a blessing for you, especially if you or someone you know is recently divorced, and trying to adjust to the single life.

A Big Surprise!

Being single again is an unexpected surprise. You didn’t think you’d be here again. Yet, here you are. And while this at first may be an awful surprise you don’t like, I’ve recently discovered that being single at 40 again is a pleasant surprise!

A Big Opportunity!

The opportunity to pursue God, to be the best version of yourself, to be fit, to explore, to make better financial decisions… or the ability to completely self destruct. Either way, you’ll have to make a decision about the unique opportunity you have at 40 to start your life over again. So, be sure to make the most of it!

You Aren’t Defective

Recognizing there’s nothing wrong with you. Singleness is the ideal social status according to the teachings of the New Testament. In the church we’ve fetishized marriage and the nuclear family unit. And while these things are great, being single is held up as the ultimate ideal. It is after all, how we will spend eternity. Love your singleness, and fully embrace it, whether it’s but a temporary season in your life, or one you choose to embrace for the fullness of your life. Singleness is something to be celebrated, as ultimately, no marriage lasts forever.

Finding New Purpose

Finding an identity and sense of purpose and meaning apart from a marriage partner is difficult. Now that you are single again, you’ll go through a sort of identity crisis as you seek to find a new purpose in your life. And while we may be tempted to turn to well meaning ideas about living your life for the glory of God alone, at the end of the day, while that’s important, I think we’ll find ourselves still yearning for something more.

The Odd Man Out

Most of your friends are married with kids. While all of a sudden this means you might become your married friends best friends and outlet for many things social, it does but you in an awkward place. Married people with kids still tend to primarily hang out with other married people with kids. Sometimes this makes you feel like the odd man out, and that you are missing out on life. And it can give you that sense Adam had in the garden, where you look around and see everyone else with a mate, but have none for yourself.

Dating Is Weird!

Dating isn’t what it used to be. Not only because of cultural shifts and how technology has all but taken over dating, which is now often entirely divorced from community. You will probably date and find a mate among strangers, instead of from among people you know. I’ve been on a lot of dates recently, and all I can say is dating ain’t like it used to be in my 20’s! However, whatever the challenges associated with dating today, we need to make sure that we date with a purpose, and that we ultimately make our lives about “chasing excellence, not women.” And should we choose to trade in our single status for a relationship or marriage, we should ultimately make sure that whoever we partner up with be someone that’s truly worth it.

Don’t Always Fill Your Calendar Up

There’s always the temptation when single to constantly fill your calendar, and when your calendar isn’t full, to fill your life with distractions. And you should. But you also need to embrace times of being alone. Don’t turn the TV. Don’t doom scroll on Facebook. Just sit in silence. Embrace the silence. It might be difficult to do at times, but by deliberately embracing times of solitude and being alone, we’ll ultimately add the fuel to our fire to make decisions and enter into relationships that are truly more meaningful.

Day To Day Challenges

There are a lot of practical day-to-day challenges you’ll face. Now that you are on your own and single again, you’ll be entirely responsible for all the errands and chores that you have to take care of. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, getting your car fixed, paying the bills, home maintenance, picking up something quick, all these burdens now fall on you.

Increased Risk Exposure

You are exposed to greater amounts of risk. You are the sole source of income in the household. When you get sick, you alone will take yourself to the hospital or the doctor. When traveling or going out on the town, you’ll often do so without anyone else. Being single again means we need to rethink our exposure to risk, and to have a plan in place in case things go wrong.

Decorating For One?

Decorating for the holidays becomes a tricky thing. That is if you choose to do so, and I certainly understand how this could be emotionally painful for people who are single again. Not only do you have to drag everything out by yourself, put it up, and take it down, but you may ultimately find that nobody else will get to enjoy your decorations. There’s the temptation to be ho-hum about the holidays. But I think during these holiday seasons, we should fully embrace everything to the best of our ability. Decorate, even if it’s just for yourself, because it makes YOU happy, and brings you joy.