After going through North Carolina’s lengthy divorce process, which took over a year and two months, my divorce was recently finalized. And since I chose over a year ago to talk about my separation between my ex wife and I on this podcast (listen to episode #118), I thought I’d give one last final update on my divorce, as I close this chapter of my life and begin a new one.
I share about my divorce, not to air my dirty laundry, but in hopes that those of you who are facing the same, and knowing intimately the pain associated with divorce, might find the ability to not only move forward with your lives, but to heal, and to thrive.
Talking Points From Today’s Podcast
- First, turn to God. All who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved. He promises to comfort those who mourn, and to give them beauty for ashes. Draw near to Him, and He’ll draw near unto you. He’s an ever present help in a time of need, and the source of all good things in this world. He’ll bear your burdens, so cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.
- Second, fully embrace the pain, the fear, the darkness, and the grief. At one point you’ll be forced to look the devil in the eye. It won’t be pretty, and it won’t be easy. It will be hard. You’ll find a lot of temptations that will come your way. Resist these things.
- Third, turn to others. You CANNOT do this alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out to family and friends, and to talk through what you are feeling with those you love and trust. You’ll find they are a lot more receptive and open than you might think.
- Fourth, “do the work.” Be committed to investing in yourself. Seek out professional help. Attend local Divorce Care groups, seek out professional counseling (available online at BetterHelp.com). Consult with attorneys, tax professionals, and real estate agents. Read your Bible. Pray. Keep your house clean. Go to the gym. Eat healthy. Avoid alcohol. Shower every day. Find new hobbies. Rekindle old friendships, make new friendships. Volunteer and serve in your community. Just make sure, whatever you do, you keep moving. You’ll have a lot of sad days, days you don’t want to leave the house. Embrace those days as they come. But keep moving forward.
- Fifth, if possible, minimize your contact with your ex. Talk to them only when necessary. Whenever possible try to have a third party present. Keep things as respectful as possible. Don’t fight with them, no matter how much they instigate you. Block them on social media. Keep all your interactions purely professional. Be committed to completely unwinding your relationship. No longer talk to them about your relationship. Look for the exit ramp, and get to the place where you no longer will talk to them again.
- Six, be careful about dating. Talk to your lawyer about such. Don’t look to get deeply and romantically involved with someone. Avoid sex. A relationship with someone else isn’t really possible. You just had heart surgery. A relationship should be between equals who fully give their hearts to each other. Any relationship you would be in would be out of balance, and you would be more likely to be a taker than a giver, and what you give won’t be your entire heart. You’ll just further hurt yourself, hurt another person, and find yourself really confused. A relationship would just be a distraction. Your wounds need time to heal.
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