Jimmy’s Table PodcastCuriously evangelical. Politically homeless. A dreamer of small things. On this podcast, I am having conversations about the intersection of faith, life, and culture.

9 Reasons I “HATE” Christmas Festivities Before Thanksgiving – Episode #33

Christmas Before Thanksgiving

A friend of mine whose name rhymes with “Corey” recently tagged me in a photo on Facebook. He put up his Christmas tree on November 1st. So this inspired me to put together today’s podcast. I am also drawing inspiration from my wife Meagan, who is presently watching a Hallmark Christmas special as I put this podcast together. I feel such betrayl…

9 Reason To HATE Christmas Festivities Before Thanksgiving

  1.  It betrays the meaning of the word “holiday.” Being holy is about being separate. So, when you start overlapping the holy-days, they aren’t separate anymore. Rather, they are mashed together like potatoes, and thus you destroy two or more holidays at the same time. I hope such persons drown in their Thanksgiving gravy. Such behavior is clearly unethical behavior.
  2. It takes the “Christ” out of “Christ-mas.” Instead you are left with “Turkey-mass.” And I as much as I love turkey, we should never hold a mass for turkey. That’s just Gobble-olatry. I don’t worship turkey, I worship the sweet baby Jesus.
  3. It’s a total psychopath move. What’s the definition of a psychopath? A psychopath is someone who does wrong, knows they are doing wrong, but simply does not care and does something anyway. Decorating for Christmas prior to Thanksgiving is clearly wrong. It’s anti-social behavior that harms others, including the sweet baby Jesus (since He died for our sins), and such persons clearly do not care about their psychopath like behavior. Such is a move straight out of CSI.
  4. It’s tacky. Christmas colors are primarily red and green, whereas thanksgiving colors are more autumn like, burnt yellow, orange, and brown. And, while I’m no fashion designer, this is clearly as tacky as Superman wearing his underwear on the outside of his superhero uniform. 
  5. It may lead to premature consumption of eggnog, peppermint mochas, and candy canes. This is wrong on so many levels, need I say more?
  6. You may still be munching on leftover Halloween candy, and not to mention your neighbors may still have jack-o-lanterns rotting on their front porch. Thus, you risk bluring of 3 holidays together. This is an abomination. I’m pretty sure this was spoken of by the prophet Daniel, or mentioned in the book of Revelation.
  7. Celebrating Christmas earlier in the year makes Mariah Carey’s music career longer than necessary, and only encourages this diva to try and revive her otherwise dead career. America doesn’t need that. So, if you love America, you won’t be caught dead playing Mariah Carey music prior to Thanksgiving.
  8. This encourages Hallmark and Lifetime to make more Christmas shows than God intended anyone to make, let alone consume. And such hurts the mental and emotional health of every husband in America. Do you really want to damage your marriage? Such also increases the probability that we’ll see more Candace Cameron TV shows than necessary. And if you think about it, does America really need to see Candace Cameron’s acting career limp along longer than it already has? This is also anti-American behavior similar to my last point above.
  9. It may lead to children prematurely writing wish-lists for Santa Claus. As a result, that gives such children a competitive advantage over other children, and Santa may prioritize your children over all the other children of the world, resulting in those children being deprived at Christmas. So, if you care about all the children of the world, like Jesus does, then you will make sure no letters get sent to the North Pole prior to Thanksgiving. Besides, the post office might not even be ready to make such deliveries yet, forcing them to make more less efficient trips to the North Pole, and keeping them from spending as much time with their families during the holiday seasons. Being anti-children and anti-family clearly goes against Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

Leave a Reply

More from this show

Jimmy’s Table Podcast